Animal Noises
The cow says, “Moo.”
The pig says, “Oink,”
The duck says, “Quack,”
The 26 Year-Old says, “The hope I once had in my life has died.”
Doctor Fauster
Doctor Fauster went to do clinicals,
In the middle of Spring Break,
He saw Michael in private,
With sores up to his eyelids,
And never practiced again.
Baa, Baa, Black Sheep
Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you found a job?
No, dad, no dad,
Not in my field;
My degree is worthless,
Without 3-5 years experience,
And the little boy you raised,
Is going to die writing someone else’s name on a cup.
Jack and Jill
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To watch the meteor shower,
Jack broke down and confessed infidelity,
And Jill bought batteries soon after.
Langdon Rich
Langdon Rich is breaking down,
Breaking down, breaking down
Langdon Rich is breaking down
Alone, on his way to his Father’s funeral.
Mary Had a Creepy Fan
Mary had a creepy fan,
Whose name was white as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went,
Skye Anderson was sure to go.
He followed her to work one day,
Which was not very cool,
It even made her coworkers uncomfortable,
To see Skye squeezing in the elevator, full.
And so Mary readied her mace,
But still he lingered near,
Waiting outside her place,
Till Mary’s choice was clear.
“Why did you follow me home, fucker?”
Mary aimed for his beady eyes.
“You never accepted my friend request!”
The pepper-spray and temporary blindness.
Crossfit Burns
Crossfit burns!
Crossfit burns!
Join on Monday, hashtag by Sunday
Crossfit burns!
You have reason not to
Deadlift an injury this season,
Zero of your friends,
All of your friends,
Crossfit burns!
Say Goodbye, Randy
Every second Friday
The statement comes,
And the Randy knows,
This paycheck will also rot.
Sunday the heat gets shut-off
And further down will Randy fall,
Crippling alcoholism and all.
There Was an Old Woman Who Threw a Shoe
There was an old woman who threw a shoe,
She had so many plastic bags, she didn’t know what to do;
She rebuked her fictional cats at the corner of 9th and Halsted
Then hissed at the visiting European couple decked in red.